After four hectic years of living a split life, I have finally had a breath. No, I did not just tear up my affair, on the contrary, I have finally finished university! *yay me*

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My years were split between being an undergraduate student, and living a life of a fully grown woman that pays her bills, buys her own dinner, hustling, and taking care of herself on all levels.

The journey was long, tiring, challenging, demanding, requiring commitments, all-nighters, but it sure is damn rewarding. So, flashing it back to four years ago, I remember myself being a high school graduate, with little life experience, no car, going to Hamra by bus #2 (still dream about it in my nightmares), taking a couple of “service”s more to reach home, spending two hours a traffic jam, hungry, tired and desperate. I even fell asleep a couple of times on the bus. Thank God I’m still alive and no, I haven’t been mugged. Childish, gullible, young and way more vulnerable than I am today. Sucks to be me.

But there were good times, like those days where I would use to go to get some drinks on happy hours after lab classes with my “lab-mates”, meeting people from different backgrounds and cultures, trying street coffee for the first time, buying photocopied books while taking an English 102 course that teaches you how NOT to plagiarize… Yeah, fun times…

I started off as a freshman (sciences) student at LAU, Lebanon’s most “pappaz” university in order to pursue my education into being a Registered Nurse. SAY WHAT? Well then, how come I have graduated with a BBA in Marketing at Middle East University?

“From nursing to business??!!” and “From LAU to MEU??!!” is what I hear on a daily basis. Um.. here is what I have to tell you, no matter how prestigious your university is, no matter how cool your entourage is and no matter how classy you have to look in order to “fit in”, you won’t be happy if your heart does not fit in.

Now enough with being cheesy, and let’s get back to “business” *pun intended*. My freshman year was finally over (I hated every single day of it because it was just too exhausting emotionally, mentally and even physically). Life was hard. Then I found a job… Switched my major… Switched my university (despite getting a scholarship into The Alice Ramez Chaghoury School of Nursing). My life was a bit less miserable.. until I got my car!! WOOHOO.

For the notice, my car isn’t a fancy Mercedes or BMW that is “socially acceptable” to drive in this country. It is a Panda car. People don’t take it seriously, but who cares about what they think, right?

My panda car has been with me through my worst and best moments. It won a race, then got into an accident, then came back as good as brand new. I mean, it takes me wherever I need to go, right?

And it’s time to fast-forward a couple of years later and a couple of failed relationships, here I am as a senior student. Wise, Experienced, Smart, Intelligent, Bitter, Determined, and completely the opposite of the high school me version. Back to yey me!

Briefly, here how college went:

  • Year 1: Ew
  • Year 2: Meh
  • Year 3: Okay …
  • Year 4: BRING IT ON!!

Year 4 was a trivial year because during only two semesters I have experienced a lot. That included winning an election, good grades, bad grades, a breakup, success, failure, a new romance, leading a team, planning for at least 15 events, planning for a graduation, being turned down, gaining weight, losing weight, changing a house, designing and completing a university yearbook, saying farewell to my family, learning who your real friends are, taking no crap from anybody, and just simply .. being me. I grew. I grew a lot in fact because challenge makes you a fighter.

Well, after being on such an emotional roller coaster for some period of time, you become detached from all sorts of feelings, confused and blank. Having mixed feelings about big decisions really does screw you up a little bit. It makes me wonder, is anxiety normal, or is it an excuse that people create just to justify their weird behavior? This I haven’t figured out myself yet.

Every morning I wake up with a question: What’s next? What does really happen after a long journey, and when do you figure it out that you have arrived?

The least that I can say is that you enjoy the process because sometimes, it is one hell of a ride.  For today, my big step was to spend some me time… In from of my laptop. Watching the first season of Sex and the City (hence being so Carrie Bradshaw in my writing).. staying in bed, and finally doing abso-freaking-lutely nothing!  What a time to be alive!

Now as the big day is approaching. All I have to figure out is… What’s really next?

“You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It’s a scary thought but it’s also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be, exactly when you’re supposed to be there. The right place at the right time” – Ted Mosby.

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